Monday, September 08, 2008

Shopping in Absurdia: Outdoors Edition

So I ventured into Wal-Mart today (save the lectures--I'm not a big fan either, but it was our most convenient option today). Every time we get near Wally World, Hubby marches off to the sporting goods department to check the price on ammo. It's really pointless, because Wal-Mart never staffs the sporting goods department, so there's no one to unlock the ammo cabinet. We stand around for about 10 minutes while several employees take turns paging for help in sporting goods, then we give up and leave. But I digress...

So I'm wandering around the sporting goods department, killing time until Hubby decides it's time to leave, when I spot this product on the shelf:
One word: eeeeewwwwww....
No, this picture has not been photoshopped or altered in any way. This is a real product. Now I've never been hunting (the need for products like this has a lot to do with why I've never been hunting... cleaning fish was obnoxious enough), so maybe I just don't get it, but is removing a deer anus really that big of a problem? (OK, I don't even want to know what kind of person is going to stumble across this post by searching for "deer anus" in Google... Hey! Maybe it'll be the first result, and my hit count will skyrocket! And I really can't wait to see what kinds of ads Google Adwords puts up next to this post. But once again I digress). Now, where was I? Oh, yeah... deer anuses. I would love to know who developed this product and what inspired him (oh, c'mon... you know it had to be a guy). And how did he explain the project to his wife?

Budding Edison: Hey, honey! I have this great idea for a new product! It'll look kinda like a corkscrew, and it will let me pop out a deer's anus in just a few seconds. Isn't that cool?
Mrs. Edison: Put down the deer rifle. You need psychiatric help.

After our intrepid but lazy hunter has washed the deer entrails off his hands and is back in camp, relaxing around the fire, he can put this next product to use:
Now that's roughing it!
Funny, but when I picture hunters gathered around the campfire, I imagine them drinking beer or passing around a flask of Jack Daniels. I do not imagine them whipping up some 'ritas with a rechargable, portable blender. Is this a campsite or a dorm room? But then if these were real men, they wouldn't need a special gadget to remove a deer anus, would they?

Hmm... I wonder if I can work the phrase "deer anus" into this post one more time. Nah... that would just be gratuitous.

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