Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Shopping in Absurdia: Hardware and Halloween Edition

I took my cameraphone shopping again, so you might want to log off right now.

OK, don't say I didn't warn you. This time we're going to visit Ace Hardware and Spirit Halloween. First up: My new favorite toy that I can't afford: a life-size animatronic Jason!
Animatronic Jason at Spirit Halloween
I think he'd look great on our front porch, menacing door-to-door salesmen with his bloody machete. Then, when Halloween is over, we could decorate him for other holidays. Just imagine: Jason with a Santa hat, Jason with red silk boxers and a heart-shaped box of candy, Jason with a leprechaun hat, Jason with bunny ears, Jason with an Uncle Sam top hat... how awesome would that be? If we wanted to be really warped, we could dress him in an evening gown and have transvestite Jason! I'd be seriously tempted to do all that, but I'm not sure his electrical innards would stand up to a Portland winter. I suppose I could move back to California. I hear there are some great deals on real estate down there.

As if transvestite Jason weren't ridiculous enough, we're going to cruise by Ace Hardware now to take a look at a product they're featuring by the checkstand:
Finally a cure for Monkey Butt! Down with Monkey Butt

Yes, someone is actually marketing a product called Anti Monkey Butt Powder. I didn't realize there was a medical condition called Monkey Butt. I wonder what the ICD-10 code is for that? And will my health insurance cover the treatments?

Monkey butts and deer anuses... I can't wait to see what kinds of hits I get on this blog now.

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